Post by: Becky on October 20, 2016, 06:46:53 PM
Last Wednesday my coworker unexpectedly passed away, he was only 54. He wasn't just a coworker though, I don't just have a job, this is a family and almost truer than a lot of my real family. I've been raised by these people for the last decade and I just lost one. His name was Brit and he was a true mentor to me. He was a big goofy Star Wars loving, gun-nut, hunter, lifetime NRA member, tinfoil hat wearing genius computer nerd. He'd listen to talk news day in and day out. I never had to watch the news myself to know the latest Hillary craziness.... and then I'd tell him about all the latest hunting rules and regulation and drama on here. He grew up hunting in North Carolina and part of the real reason I started pursuing my interest in any of this world. He had no kids, and passed down his beautiful aluminum grumman canoe to me and Smossy a few years ago so we could fish ON the lake instead of beside it.
I don't know why but he plucked me out of college a decade ago and seen something in me and taught me so much, we became mad computer scientists that won our contracts because of our awesome XML coding skills... We would bicker back and forth about the MIL-STD and I'd reference why I'm right... he hated that, because I always was, but he loved it. My boss said one of the last days he was here before he went to the hospital he was helping her carry out a package and he said "You know... I hate when Becky says 'Well I think....' when we disagree because damnit if she isn't always right. I don't know where we'd be without her." .. but it's not me, we're lost without HIM!
I don't know what I'm doing at work. I second guess everything. I have no confidence. I can't stop crying, I'm spontaneously combusting. I just hate this, I hate this feeling, I've never lost anyone before and I am not strong. When does it go away?
RIP Brit Smith
<life>10/10/62-10/12/16</life>
Post by: Dan-o on October 20, 2016, 06:56:07 PM
Post by: Widgeondeke on October 20, 2016, 07:01:40 PM
I'd say this thread is a good start
Post by: syoungs on October 20, 2016, 07:05:14 PM
Time heals all, just focus on the good times, and don't stress yourself with work, it'll get easier as time goes on...
Post by: elkboy on October 20, 2016, 07:06:14 PM
You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Post by: JDHasty on October 20, 2016, 07:07:53 PM
Post by: jay.sharkbait on October 20, 2016, 07:09:32 PM
I keep reading his last texts to me while he was in the hospital. I was training a new employee that just started and I remember I couldn't wait until Brit got out and he'd see this guy's progress.
So now you are the mentor...
Post by: sumpnz on October 20, 2016, 07:17:00 PM
Can't really add anything more, as I've never been through that kind of thing. Hope you find your peace in all of the commotion and emotions.
Post by: Southpole on October 20, 2016, 07:18:34 PM
Sorry for your lossYou're reaching to people you find comforting, pour away to us. Sorry for your loss :'(
I'd say this thread is a good start
Post by: cbond3318 on October 20, 2016, 07:19:03 PM
Post by: jennabug on October 20, 2016, 07:23:41 PM
Post by: Mudman on October 20, 2016, 07:29:25 PM
Post by: trophyhunt on October 20, 2016, 07:31:56 PM
Post by: Mark Brenckle on October 20, 2016, 07:35:32 PM
Post by: DaveMonti on October 20, 2016, 07:41:52 PM
When it feels right, perhaps you can organize a small memorial event among your co-workers or others that knew him. Maybe now is not the time, but you'll know when the time is right.
In the meantime, you've got a legitimate reason to be sad. There is great comfort in knowing how to tolerate your sadness.
Dave
Post by: Sitka_Blacktail on October 20, 2016, 07:44:01 PM
I'm not saying to forget him. Or to not grieve. I'm saying to justify his faith in you.
As for grieving, when you are really close to someone, it takes time to "get over it". Time is about the only thing that will dull the pain and feelings of loss. But you'll wake up one morning and smile when you think of him instead of feeling sad.
Post by: Rainier10 on October 20, 2016, 08:22:10 PM
Again super sorry to hear of your loss.
Post by: Fl0und3rz on October 20, 2016, 08:29:51 PM
Post by: Brushbuster on October 20, 2016, 11:27:01 PM
There will be a time, when the thought of your mentor and friend will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eye. My prayer for you is that day will come sooner than later.
Brushbuster
Post by: Igottanewknee on October 21, 2016, 03:23:55 AM
Post by: pianoman9701 on October 21, 2016, 07:02:12 AM
Post by: kellama2001 on October 21, 2016, 07:26:35 AM
Post by: bracer40 on October 21, 2016, 07:50:28 AM
My condolences to you.
Post by: Becky on October 21, 2016, 09:37:57 AM
I think it just all finally hit me yesterday. Brit has had some medical issues, he survived two bouts of cancer before I ever knew him. Last year he ended up admitted to Good Sam for a couple weeks because he had gotten a flu so bad he puked in his sleep and aspirated into his lungs, his throat closed up, and thankfully his wife had gotten an ambulance in time. To me he was ALWAYS such a fighter.
Our company LOVES guns and staunch supporter of 2A I’ll just say. Shana my boss and I took a handgun class some years ago because Brit and Keith absolutely INSISTED we get our CPL to protect ourselves coming and going from work. Once I had my little daily carry Sig, Keith took me out with his family to the woods to train me the ins and outs of my own gun and to be completely comfortable holstering, shooting, having it on me. We spent hours that day, he had a whole training course setup for his daughter (same age) and me, complete with obstacles and even an old purse he picked up from the Goodwill so we knew how to carry it with our hand on the gun and shoot through it if necessary. He is a retired air force veteran, and he knows his handguns. Then there was Brit on the other hand, he was the eccentric. He chose not to have kids in his life because he was “selfish” (his words). He loved his toys - legos, fun robots, kites, his computers and his guns. He was the rifle man for sure, we had a thick steel plate on display he shot through from his 50 cal at such and such distance (I don’t remember), but I was dying to shoot it. He was trying to teach me about uppers and lowers, silencers and tax stamps, he had an FFL license back in the day.
I had bought an AR-15 pistol a couple months back and I was SO excited. I was so excited to learn from him and I wanted to build it from what I learnt from him and show it to him. Our company picnic we had plans to go out for a day of all of us bringing our small arsenal to head into the woods. Brit started getting sick though... He just didn’t feel good, and that was rare for him to ever miss work. He’d come in a couple days and then be home, back and forth. After fighting it on and off he finally went into the ER and they admitted him into Good Sam. He spent the next three weeks getting testing done and getting weaker and they couldn’t figure out what was going on. Every time I went to go visit he was in another test. They finally sent him via ambulance up to UW Medicine.
He spent a week there and they diagnosed him with an extremely rare autoimmune disease called HLH. I don’t understand exactly what it is still, something developed from having cancer in the past, your immune system going haywire, I don’t know. He had to go through aggressive chemo to restart his immune system again though. He had done one week, he did another week, he was doing better! He was told he’d get to come home in between treatments. He was supposed to come home ON his birthday, 10/10/16. We went out and bought a cake, an ice cream cake that’s still in our work freezer, we had a pizza party planned coordinated with his wife (this man LOVED pizza and beer like it was a religious experience). Monday came and then we were told he wasn’t coming home, but possibly could be transferred back to Good Sam. He was joking via text with Keith that he feels the only way they would cut the strings is if he packed his bag himself and left.
He was still in Seattle Tuesday. That night we got news from his wife that his blood pressure dropped drastically and suddenly to nothing and he was rushed to ICU. He went into cardiac arrest and was put on breathing tubes/was unconscious. Wednesday morning at the office we were making plans to go see him, Shana was going to go up early. Keith would go after his shift was over at 1pm, and I was going to meet Smossy in SeaTac and 3pm and we’d go. We didn’t want to overwhelm his wife.. I’ll never forget this …. We had the maps pulled up, how to get the hospital, we had our plans set. Shana went back to her desk and sat down and received a text and she quietly gasped, looked up at me with her jaw dropped and she looked up at me and we were locked in eye contact for what felt like a century and then I just screamed “NO!”.
She then read to us the text, that Brit’s lungs had collapsed, and he was passing that very moment peacefully in his sleep. It hit me like a ton of bricks, there was no way, NO WAY. It was fake, it couldn’t be real. Shana took off out of the office, then Keith, I was frozen. Finally I grabbed my keys and ran out and I seen Keith standing in the parking lot and I just ran to him I felt so small and like a kid literally losing his father. Shana joined us and we just sat there in a ball of tears. They made me call Shaun to come get me and drive me home.
After that day I thought I was okay, I’d be okay, had to work some on Saturday and then the power went out during our “Storm of the Century”. Monday was hard, we tried to cheer each other up, laugh about old times. Wednesday while talking to Keith, he teared up again and in that moment I don’t know what happened but it was REAL. Brit had been gone in the hospital for so long we’d gotten used to his absence but I finally realized he isn’t coming back. His desk is next to mine and it is exactly as he left it, but he isn’t coming back. I just lost it and haven’t been able to gather myself since then.
Southpole I think you're right, I didn't know what else to do. I know a lot on here have gone through grief and experienced this heartbreak :'( .. Smossy is confused on what to do and my best friend is probably overwhelmed by now. I tried to be helpful and focus on threads and posting here and there to get my mind off of it but it didn’t work so posting and writing about it seemed like the next step.
Post by: JLS on October 21, 2016, 10:18:11 AM
Eat the elephant one bite at a time....
Post by: Bob33 on October 21, 2016, 10:36:40 AM
Post by: Becky on October 21, 2016, 05:31:50 PM
You have a whole lot of supporters on here who are thinking of you in this time of sadness.
I do, I didn't expect it, I'm truly thankful for all who have reached out to me. I just needed a place to open up, whether viewed or not, and I'm glad I did. Today has been a slightly better one.
Post by: Rainier10 on October 21, 2016, 10:05:48 PM
That a girl, glad to here it. Hang in there.You have a whole lot of supporters on here who are thinking of you in this time of sadness.
I do, I didn't expect it, I'm truly thankful for all who have reached out to me. I just needed a place to open up, whether viewed or not, and I'm glad I did. Today has been a slightly better one.
Post by: jmscon on October 21, 2016, 10:33:05 PM
Time helps, for sure!
He lives on inside of you and the people who knew him. When you get together with the loved ones who knew him you will each bring a part of him with you and he will be there. At work when you ask yourself "what would he do?" And he will smile down over your shoulder and let you know.
Hang in there, it's going to be tough for a while but slowly the grief will get more manageable.
Post by: quadrafire on October 21, 2016, 11:55:23 PM
God bless
Post by: nwwanderer on October 22, 2016, 04:54:50 AM
Post by: Gringo31 on October 22, 2016, 05:47:57 AM
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of everyone;
the living should take this to heart.
The point is that death is a major reality check for all of us. We each owe one. When in this kind of situation, I try to focus on WHY that person made a difference to my life and HOW I can use their example, and make positive differences to others. The fact you feel pain in this loss says something. The fact that it is a loss! I can think of a few people where I would argue them dying isn't much of a loss.... :chuckle: I'm not trying to be disrespectful with my humor, but if you only feel the pain of a loss without learning from them how to make a difference in other peoples lives......then it is indeed just a loss......
Find the silver lining.....
The only thing that makes it better is time........but during that time, think of the gift of time you've been given and make the best of it :tup:
Post by: cedarriver on October 22, 2016, 08:23:18 AM
Post by: Becky on October 25, 2016, 11:01:36 AM
With that said, when it rains it pours... and that Saturday night after Brit's wake Shaun received the most painful of news ... a close childhood friend of his, his "brother", had committed suicide. I can't even begin to express how painful it is to have my heart ripped wide open again when the scar tissue was only just starting to heal. I hurt so incredibly bad, especially for these men, these brothers, that he left behind. His roommate who was there when it happened, another childhood friend of Shaun's and a good friend of mine as well, is incredibly lost and I am doing everything in my power to take the small strength you all gave me here and try to help. It's one thing to lose someone who was older and fighting his health, this is so so different..
I can't and won't go into details out of respect to him, just that he was 30 and still had too much life to live. He was such an amazing person, and I hope you will all continue to pray for healing, for help, for mending. So many questions, and so much uncertainty.. If I'm not around for a while on here I'm sorry, I'm only one small person lost in this whole mess of emotions.
Post by: Becky on October 25, 2016, 11:04:49 AM
Post by: DaveMonti on October 25, 2016, 11:08:09 AM
Dave
Post by: Sakko300wsm on October 25, 2016, 11:12:12 AM
Post by: jennabug on October 25, 2016, 11:25:49 AM
Post by: ghosthunter on October 25, 2016, 11:29:30 AM
Post by: Becky on October 25, 2016, 01:59:34 PM
Post by: Rainier10 on October 25, 2016, 02:17:03 PM
Post by: DaveMonti on October 25, 2016, 04:26:21 PM
Good advice Rick. My sentiments exactly. Take care of yourself SG. You can do that and help others as well.
Post by: kellama2001 on October 25, 2016, 09:26:29 PM
Post by: PNWJimbo on October 25, 2016, 09:37:53 PM
Post by: silverdalesauer on October 27, 2016, 12:16:22 AM