Field Judging Sheep Testicles

[eburg127]

I was lucky enough to draw a sheep tag and have been scouring the internet and talking with knowledgeable people on how to score sheep.  One suggestion was to look at their testicles.  Generally speaking, the larger testicles belong to the larger ram.  This would be similar to women field judging a man’s feet in order to find the perfect “mate”.  A technique that has been used ever since man invented the loin cloth.  According to women across the nation, it is a proven technique.  It is not always accurate because man has learned a way to cheat the system and wear shoes that are too big in order to fool the woman who is field judging him.  Sheep on the other hand, don’t wear shoes which makes this a valid judging technique. 

Most of the time you can just pick out the largest ram, but there are times when there are two rams that are very similar in size.  Sometimes their heads are down or away.  Many times you are forced to look at the back side of the animal, kind of a “in your face” stance, because the rams seem to know they have it going on.  This is now okay because of this technique.  Most of the time you don’t even need optics because “the boys” are very easy to see.  The technique can seem a little awkward at first, especially when scouting with friends who are less informed.  I was with a friend scouting and excitedly said “look at the nuts on that guy!”  He looked at me with that kind of awkward, but curious glance that uneducated testicle judges often do.
 
Testicle judging can be fairly simple, but there are a few tricks.  The easiest measurement to judge is the length.  The closer to the ground they are the bigger the sack.  But just like scoring sheep, length is not the most important measurement.  Testicle mass can be determined a few ways.  I first look at the ram that has more “swagger”.   Sheep have great eyesight and they see their fellow ram’s testicles.  If they have the larger testicles they are going to strut like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever (not the recent Travolta).  My theory is they also have more “swagger” because of the testicles impeding their walking ability.   If I had two softballs between my legs it would be hard to walk too, and you can be dang sure I would have some swagger.  In the rare case of a ram having one testicle larger than the other one, it would be deemed “non-typical”.  That will have to be covered in another article since it is a very complex issue.

Don’t forget to keep the testicle sack when you are field dressing your sheep.  They can be used for so many things!  Anything from a coin purse to a backpack depending on the size of your sheep.  I plan on making a sack for my kid to take his marbles to school.  I can already see him beaming with pride during his show and tell, quickly rising to the level of teachers pet.

I know what you are thinking; there is not enough scientific evidence to back this technique.  That is why I am currently proposing a national sheep testicle measurement grant in order to obtain funding from the government.  I was thinking at least a million dollars to get the study under way.  I need to get the grant done right away, I feel I have a better chance since this is an election year and they need my vote.

Lastly, I can’t take credit for this technique.  It was taught to me by this guy I kind of know, but went hunting with a few times.  He is at a guide level, but never guided.  He is not college educated, but talks like he has a master’s degree in everything.  Basically he can do everything, and when he does it, it is better than you.  You probably know this guy.

If you want to voluntarily measure sheep testicles for this study, just reply to this post.  That way everyone on the site will know that you are a truly dedicated sportsman. 

[Michelle_Nelson]

Someone was NOT given his day pass to go hunting this morning and has WAY to much time on his hands.   

[TheHunt]

hahahahahaha   

I know for a fact this thread is going to sideways really quick.  Very good thread eberg!!!

Thanks for making my morning.

[ellensburgpo]

What is wrong with you bro? Knowing you makes me think this a bunch of bs, but you do have the tag so who knows.

[huntergreg]

 

[PolarBear]

As Barney Frank, Elton John or Clay Aikin how to judge testicles.

[X-Force]

 

[hornhunter1987]

i dont know what would be funnier.... if you are serious or you  are joking but either way thats good stuff 

[HUNTINCOUPLE]

 :chuckle:LOL

[NW-GSP]

I always feel bad for my dog, his boys touch the ground when he sits down. As you can imagine he tends to not sit down all the way in the winter

[boneaddict]

[TheFewTheProud]

hahahahaha

[deerhunterdes13]

Lol. The one on the right? 

[deerhunter_98520]

why do i have a feeling the head isnt getting mounted...theres going to be testicles hanging from the wall

[boneaddict]

Whose mounting what?