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The reason there are so many Ruger upgrades is because they're necessary.
is 3 grains the lowest you can go
The real problem is not being addressed by low recoil handloads. While you may come up with something that will work for practice, handloads should not be used for self defense. Any good self defense ammo will have significantly higher recoil than 3 grains of bullseye. It sounds like your mom needs a different carry gun, one with less recoil than a lightweight .38. She might want to consider a .22LR or .22mag revolver. Ruger offers both in the LCR and S&W offers those chambering as well.