Just Sad...

[Becky]

I need help. I don't really know what I need help with but I feel so lost right now.

Last Wednesday my coworker unexpectedly passed away, he was only 54. He wasn't just a coworker though, I don't just have a job, this is a family and almost truer than a lot of my real family. I've been raised by these people for the last decade and I just lost one. His name was Brit and he was a true mentor to me. He was a big goofy Star Wars loving, gun-nut, hunter, lifetime NRA member, tinfoil hat wearing genius computer nerd. He'd listen to talk news day in and day out. I never had to watch the news myself to know the latest Hillary craziness.... and then I'd tell him about all the latest hunting rules and regulation and drama on here. He grew up hunting in North Carolina and part of the real reason I started pursuing my interest in any of this world. He had no kids, and passed down his beautiful aluminum grumman canoe to me and Smossy a few years ago so we could fish ON the lake instead of beside it.

I don't know why but he plucked me out of college a decade ago and seen something in me and taught me so much, we became mad computer scientists that won our contracts because of our awesome XML coding skills...  We would bicker back and forth about the MIL-STD and I'd reference why I'm right... he hated that, because I always was, but he loved it. My boss said one of the last days he was here before he went to the hospital he was helping her carry out a package and he said "You know... I hate when Becky says 'Well I think....' when we disagree because damnit if she isn't always right. I don't know where we'd be without her." .. but it's not me, we're lost without HIM!

I don't know what I'm doing at work. I second guess everything. I have no confidence. I can't stop crying, I'm spontaneously combusting. I just hate this, I hate this feeling, I've never lost anyone before and I am not strong. When does it go away?

RIP Brit Smith
<life>10/10/62-10/12/16</life>

[Dan-o]

So sorry......

[Widgeondeke]

Sorry for your loss

I'd say this thread is a good start

[syoungs]

So sorry for your loss.

Time heals all, just focus on the good times, and don't stress yourself with work, it'll get easier as time goes on...

[elkboy]

So sorry for your loss, SG.  The pain will ease with time (get some counseling help if it really doesn't), and you will balance the grief of loss with the memories of the great things he did in your life, and who he was to you. 

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.   

[JDHasty]

h my God   I don't know what to say. 

[jay.sharkbait]

I keep reading his last texts to me while he was in the hospital. I was training a new employee that just started and I remember I couldn't wait until Brit got out and he'd see this guy's progress.

So now you are the mentor...

[sumpnz]

Condolences.

Can't really add anything more, as I've never been through that kind of thing.  Hope you find your peace in all of the commotion and emotions.

[Southpole]

Sorry for your loss

I'd say this thread is a good start

You're reaching to people you find comforting, pour away to us. Sorry for your loss

[cbond3318]

Sorry for your loss SG, it will get easier to bear. Promise.

[jennabug]

So sorry for you loss. Keep venting here. I wish I could do more.

[Mudman]

Continue to celebrate him and your good memories.  Time heals but memories always stay with you.  Stay confident in your ability, when your mind clears some you will continue the work you excelled at.  I always think of the good times I shared with the ones I have lost and thank God for giving us that gift.

[trophyhunt]

Sorry for your loss Becky, keep your chin up and let time heal.

[Mark Brenckle]

Sorry for your loss SG, he was obviously a great man and a great mentor to you.  All I can honestly say to help you through this is to talk to others that were close to him, celebrate his life and the things that he taught you. You'll get through this and be stronger for it, but when you think of him or something happens that reminds you of him, it will still hurt for a long time.   

[DaveMonti]

I'm sorry to hear of your grief SG.  My thoughts are with you. 
When it feels right, perhaps you can organize a small memorial event among your co-workers or others that knew him.  Maybe now is not the time, but you'll know when the time is right.
In the meantime, you've got a legitimate reason to be sad.  There is great comfort in knowing how to tolerate your sadness.
Dave