I think Im done.

[Fl0und3rz]

More people on here are pulling for you and Becky than reply here. Leaving hunting or fishing for a while to focus on what you need to get to a better place is smart.   This community, however, is full of varied interests, experiences, and people genuinely interested in your and Becky's success.

A relative with a substance abuse history, now very successful, says the desire pops up unexpectedly, and paraphrasing, never really goes away.  Professional help and a support system is your first priority.  Hunting and fishing will be here when you are ready.

Godspeed to you and Becky.

[erk444]

I care about you Smossy!!!!

[jagermiester]

I care about you too Smossy!

[Karl Blanchard]

Everyone is different dude but I think you should go the opposite route.  I'd double down on the mountain time!  Hunting pulled me into the light after Aaron was killed.  It was my only source of relief.  Still is.  Pick that bow up again and start shooting.  Hit the hills and work up a sweat!  Focusing your energy on a task will occupy your mind on something positive instead of something negative.  A restless mind can be a dangerous mind.  Lots of great new faces on here but some of us old dogs are still around.  We fade out but always come back for all those reasons you stated above! 

Turkey season is right around the corner so get to shooting!

[jkononen]

Exactly that. Go pick up your bow.

[ELKBURGER]

We've all been in the thick and nasty of LIFE. Continue to thrive on the positivity! You've got this!!

[Sandberm]

Forgive me, I may be all wrong here but my opinion cant hurt at this point

I think you need to be more active Smossy. Fishing and hunting are too slow paced, ie, can be very boring and require more patience then you can muster without self medicating. You get bored easily dont you? More so than those around you who you deem "normal"?

You NEED to FEEL things in life more than the average person. When your brain is not stimulated enough you self medicate to tamp down those feelings. Accept yourself for who you are. Dont try to be someone you are not. If you are a passionate person, be that way. Seek out ways to satisfy your brain WITHOUT SELF MEDICATING.

Two things.

 Get into jogging or bicycling. Stationary excercise sucks! Its BORING! Get outside everyday on your bike or jogging path if you can. Get your heart rate up and breath hard! Dont be one of these pansies who thinks they are jogging when they are actually trotting. 25 to 40 minutes per day of an elevated heart rate will do wonders for your BRAIN. PUMP ALL THE TOXIC THOUGHTS AND STRESSES OUT! It takes 2 weeks to get over the hump and start to feel gains. At 6 weeks you will really see gains. You will begin to crave (become addicted in a good way) to how you FEEL after a good jog or bike ride. Build on that.

The second thing. Buy an old used motorcycle. I'm serious. The thrill, the FEELING you will get when you open that throttle up will fill a void of lack of stimulation in your brain. Maintaining the bike will sharpen your brain and give you something healthy to do instead of self medicating.

If a motorcycle isnt in the budget, maybe a cheap bicycle can do the same thing. Find a big hill and coast down it as fast as you can. Get into adult league basketball, softball, some competitive sport. The competition is stimulating.

Anyways. Good luck. 

[JBar]

Don't step away from the outdoors, its the only quiet place to clear the mind and escape the rushed lifestyle we all put up with nowadays. Check the partners wanted section there are at least 4 folks on the first page looking for a hunting partner. Stay positive, pick yourself up (you're the only one that can) and lean on your wife and us to keep yourself up. You came onto this site from a troubled past if I remember right, got onto a straight path and stayed there a long time (pretty sure that path had hunting and fishing on it), find that path again and walk it with your eyes open! Stop and look at nature, the way the water flows, how a leaf drifts down from a tree the stunning colors of a steelhead. You got this Smossy!!

[jmscon]

I’m not very good at writing down the thoughts in my head so bear with me.

I can relate to you in many ways, my actions in the past have kept me from doing things that I capable of but with only a tenth grade education and a ged I can only go so far. Which is catching up to me now at 40.

The saying “Idle hands is the devils workshop” rings true to so many people but most don’t realize it. Sitting around the house unemployed can lead a person to dwell on things that they would otherwise just brush off. Grab a fishing rod a hike into a lake, today. Who cares what the weather is doing.

Go online a find a place to volunteer for a day. There are places that do habitat or trail improvements all over the state. Earth Corps, Washington Trails Association to name a few. There might be a local river group that gets together once a month and cleans up areas or brushes out areas close by. Google volunteer in X county, WA and things will come up. You never know who you might meet and it will get you out of the house for a couple of hours.

With the other stuff, the mental health person you are seeing might not be the right fit for you. See someone else for a couple sessions or find a third or fourth to see if that one doesn’t work out either. But remember, people in mental health, 99% of the time, have never dealt with the same situation or feelings that their patients have. They give their patients tools to DEAL with what life has to throw at them. For some it might be an ear that a person can confide in that absolutely won’t share with anyone else, or it’s an activity that helps calm nerves. Self medicating, almost always, never works and it looks like it almost was your last sunset.

There are a lot of companies desperate for workers. You have mentioned you like woodworking, any local cabinet shops that need someone, or look into some unions that are hiring apprentices. But getting a job, even one that isn’t ideal for what you want to do, will help your mind and put a couple of bucks in your pocket.

Don’t forget about the people who care for you. Your wife almost lost the love of her life! Your decisions, good or bad, affect the loved ones around you more than you might realize.

Good luck finding what works for you, I really hope you don’t give up, find work and  start finding the things that work for you.

[DOUBLELUNG]

We've messaged in the past and I'm here to do so again if you want.  You are depressed, and at least recently have been suicidally depressed.  You have good reasons to feel discouraged, but that is brain chemistry that is making you feel hopeless.  Quit self medicating and get on an effective antidepressant, it will help you roll with life's punches without being overwhelmed.  I did it for my wife and son to save my family, you need to do it for yours.  Stay off heavy drinking and narcotics, if you need to chemically take off the edge sativa dominant cannabis is probably your best bet.  Stay off indicas, they'll just push you deeper down.

I also strongly agree with rechanneling your passion - and depression can definitely be a passion.  I hate exercise, but when I was at my lowest one of the few things that helped was to run until I puked or got a side stitch so bad I couldn't stand it.  Pushing yourself physically provides an emotional release and I highly support the recommendation of running or cycling. 

You can do this!

[2MANY]

You need a life coach, open ears, and to set some goals.
Both you and your wife should meet with one at the same time.
You will be amazed at what surfaces and the clarity an outsider can bring to your situation.
It will take many changes to get the result you are searching for IMHO.

You can become ANYONE you want to become.

[Smossy]

You guys make it hard to reply so just,
thank you.

[Stein]

David Goggins has a book out, you may want to check it out as he goes into a bunch of detail on being in a hard place and what he did to create the life he wants.  There are also a ton of YouTube interviews if you want it in a nutshell.

[throttlejocky20]

I grew up hunting with my family, then just the old man, now its basically just me and let me tell you some of my most exiting time in the woods has been enjoyed alone. as time goes on things change this year i will have my boy in the woods with me. If there is one thing i know when my head is f&%ked the only thing that makes it right is time in the outdoors and when i say that i mean time alone. collect yourself it seems to me you need more time in the woods not less.

[2MANY]

You need a life coach, open ears, and to set some goals.
Both you and your wife should meet with one at the same time.
You will be amazed at what surfaces and the clarity an outsider can bring to your situation.
It will take many changes to get the result you are searching for IMHO.

You can become ANYONE you want to become.

This advice comes from experience.
Some of the best money I ever spent on myself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!