So I learn the real truth

[GrainfedMuley]

 A couple of weeks ago I started a thread about "It just won't be the same". A quick summary...After 19 years of hunting with my Dad and a close friend, I will be alone this year. I lost my buddy last December, and my Dad said he was diagnosed with diabetes and his knees were bad so he wasn't going to go hunting this year. ALL of you guys gave me great suggestions on maybe somehow to get him at least out to the camp or something. So I have been calling him for a few days. No reply. Yesterday, I decide to call from a company phone and guess what. My Dad's signifcant other answers the phone. I have a quick pleasant conversation with her and ask if my Dad was close to the phone. A couple of minutes of small talk and I ask If he would consider maybe driving out to camp during the day and maybe do an evening hunt and drive home. He only lives an hour away from camp. He tells me that he had not thought of getting a hunting license.........Instantly in the background I hear....YOU ARE NOT GOING HUNTING....PERIOD...NO...YOU ARE NOT GOING.  Geuss who?  I could not believe what I had just heard. The very next words out of my mouth were...I'll talk to ya later...goodbye. I was stuned!  Where does she get off on whether or not my Dad can get together once a year.


 I guess this leads into why I am writting this thread. First of all, I am not trying to offend any one female. And I am not trying to offend any of the guys either. I am going to ask a lagit question.......


  Guys...What kind of Hoops to you have to jump through to get to do be able to pursue your passion?  I realize that some have to jump through more hoops than others. I am curious what it takes for demestic bliss to be able to go hunting.

[Skyvalhunter]

Well Muley I would have to say that your Dad is letting this happen to hisself. You may have to get him alone and have a talk with him. Maybe tell him that your time together is priceless for you and if his significant other can't understand the bonding you guys share while hunting together then she has no respect for your relationship either. Have you got the impression she is an anti hunter? Maybe thats what drives her. She had to know that your dad hunts and maybe the type that wants to change him.

[boneaddict]

    I'm not laughing at your situation.  I'm luaghing because I just started a thread then this was the 2nd one I opened up after Icemans bloated and irritable one.   Looks like I'm not the only one married to a frickin psycho controlling wench.

By the way, the thread I opened was a description of said hoops you were talking about.  See fighting withthe spouse. 

[rasbo]

sad to hear that..If it was me I would buy his license and bring it to him in person..I would sit down and discuss this with the both of them.My dad was told he had just a few months to live..I went down to visit and see my dad for the last time...I asked him what he would like to do..He said lets load up some beer and take the garbage to the dump and go into the woods,like we used to.So we did, dad ended up drunk,we laughed and we reminisced...my sisters freaked out..Dad just said hey!!! I'm not gonna be here much longer Ill decide what to do..I understand his wife's feelings but ultimately its his feelings that should matter in my mind..I'm sure shes worried.Perhaps find out the right food and what he should have or shouldn't,and explain this is my dad I will look after him well while we are out..I believe sitting at home is the worst for anyone..

[Woodchuck]

man that sucks, i think skyval is right though, have a "boys" night out and explain to him what that time means to you. dont get too cranky just yet maybe there is another issue that he has not told you about and she is trying to protect him   i am not taking sides just saying there is usually 2 sides and the other side may have a valid point and a compromise may be met, good luck

[buckhorn2]

My hunting partner was going through the same thing but it was mostley fishing. It was you would rather fish than be with me why do you have to fish all the time. He went out in the garage and found a fish pole with a broken tip and came back in the house and broke it right in front of her and said I am done fishing I love you way more than fishing and she started crying and the next day bought him a new pole. He knows if she finds that out he is really done. Don;t know if it would work with a gun though. Do what you got to do seasons coming get the candles and flowers out and hide the gun and pole in the truck.

[ICEMAN]

GFmuley, is there any chance that the sig/other is just worried about his health and doesnt want to see him at risk for anything....injury, accident, heart attack? Are you on good terms with her? (Didn't sound like you know her well...or maybe I forgot from the earlier post...)

Anyway, maybe there is a chance you could help to ease her mind and in effect help your dad out for the hunt? I think you need to schmooze her about the hunt....and your dad would be there.... Just my 

[GrainfedMuley]

Well Iceman, I thought I was on good terms with her. She and my Dad have been together for about 10 yeares and I have always got along with her. No arguments or debates about anything.There has been a pattern develop over the years and it is my opinion that she is trying to allienate him from what is left of our family. The reason that I say this is because his grandkids can not come and stay in the country for a couple of weeks, but her grandkids are there every year.     It is realy tough for me to deal with because I am the only son and oldest of all the kids. Now she is trying to get me out of his life. My Dad does have health problems but nothing so serious that he can't share some time with me. It is not like we pack in to camp 30 miles. I am just frustrated because I know that If I push the issue it will get worse. I don't want to start a fight with my Dad because of my opinion of her. It is sad to say, but I think she is in there relationship for her and what she can gain from it. We were hunting the very first year they were seeing each other. So what has changed? Like the other thread...I will just take a couple of steps back, regroup and take it from there. I think that it might eat at him a little so I am not going to call him for a few weeks. When it comes right to it. He knows where I will be and when I will be there. Oh!  Yes I do aggree that there is a lack of respect thing as someone mentioned. Regardless, I am still very frustrated!

[Alchase]

If you feel he is being alienated from your family by her, you need to go talk to "him" face to face and explain that. What do you have to loose? If she is doing what you think, you will loose him if you do not?  I would have a conversation just and you Father (who cares what she thinks) and lay it out for him. All in all he will have to make a stand one way or the other right? If he is not willing to do that then she has already won?

I hate manipulative people. 

[Pathfinder101]

I guess my first impression was the same as Iceman's.  My wife and I go 'round and 'round about hunting, and usually by November I am in the doghouse, but when it comes to health, she puts her foot down.  Sounded to me like it wasn't her being controlling, maybe just concerned for his help...

[6x6in6]

If you feel he is being alienated from your family by her, you need to go talk to "him" face to face and explain that. What do you have to loose? If she is doing what you think, you will loose him if you do not?  I would have a conversation just and you Father (who cares what she thinks) and lay it out for him. All in all he will have to make a stand one way or the other right? If he is not willing to do that then she has already won?

I hate manipulative people. 

I agree!

But you're dealing with what looks like 2 different situations.  Alienation of family and health concerns.
On the health concerns, have your Dad consult with his doc and the feasibility of going even for just an afternoon.

Wish you well on both situations.

[salmon]

Sorry to hear about your problem. Guess I am one of the lucky ones who's wife says go ahead,be safe and see ya when you get home. Maybe I should order some roses right now for her.LOL

[BLKBEARKLR]

Sorry I do not jump through hoops to persue my passion. I am married to a hunting and fishing GODDESS!!!! If it flies it dies, if it is brown it's down to her.


Now my first wife that was a whole other scenerio, I left her in NY!!!!  Good place for her.......


Joe

[whacker1]

If it is health - then you will have a tough time. 

If she is truly trying to alienate that side of the family, well a few routes to take - 1) Wait and hopefully he will pipe up. 2) bring it up with him to talk to her about 3) Call her out on it when he is not around, but make sure that you inform him before she has a chance to.   

I am a jack@$$ and would choose option 3 when push comes to shove.  I would be as nice as possible and state like you did that the two of you have never argued or debated anything.  And that you have no qualms with her until now.  Then explain from your perspective it appears that she is trying to alienate (whether intentionally or unintentionally) your dad's side of the family.  give the example you gave us that her grandkids come and stay, but your kids aren't welcome to do the same.  Ask her if there is  something wrong?  Am I missing something about our interaction?  Is it different from her perspective? 

Just depends on how close you want to stay with that side of the family and how much involvement you want your dad to have with you and your kids. 

No that I re-read this, yup I am an a-hole.

[MAVsled]

Well Iceman, I thought I was on good terms with her. She and my Dad have been together for about 10 yeares and I have always got along with her. No arguments or debates about anything.There has been a pattern develop over the years and it is my opinion that she is trying to allienate him from what is left of our family. The reason that I say this is because his grandkids can not come and stay in the country for a couple of weeks, but her grandkids are there every year.     It is realy tough for me to deal with because I am the only son and oldest of all the kids. Now she is trying to get me out of his life. My Dad does have health problems but nothing so serious that he can't share some time with me. It is not like we pack in to camp 30 miles. I am just frustrated because I know that If I push the issue it will get worse. I don't want to start a fight with my Dad because of my opinion of her. It is sad to say, but I think she is in there relationship for her and what she can gain from it. We were hunting the very first year they were seeing each other. So what has changed? Like the other thread...I will just take a couple of steps back, regroup and take it from there. I think that it might eat at him a little so I am not going to call him for a few weeks. When it comes right to it. He knows where I will be and when I will be there. Oh!  Yes I do aggree that there is a lack of respect thing as someone mentioned. Regardless, I am still very frustrated!

after reading this, I hope your Dad's significant other hasn't coerced Dad into writing you out of his last will and testament.

my first marriage was similar "no you cant go hunting for a week...". After putting up with 8 years of that (and going hunting for a week here and there each season anyways) Divorce was my solution. 14 years of being single and now married the past 7 years, the 2nd marriage there was an understanding of my outdoor committment prior to saying: I do. And not a single problem with me hunting and fishing now. Nice to have a wife who understands

[7mag.]

You need to do whatever you have to, to spend time with your dad. My dad and I were very close. I was lucky and got to work with him for the last 3 years of his life. We spoke every day, if we didn't see each other. When he started archery hunting, he still came to modern deer camp with me just so he could be there. When he died in my arms, all that time we spent together wasn't even close to enough. After your dad is gone, you can't go back and spend time with him, so do it now, while you still can.

[haugenna]

Sorry to hear about your problem. Guess I am one of the lucky ones who's wife says go ahead,be safe and see ya when you get home. Maybe I should order some roses right now for her.LOL

1800 Flowers is running one hell of a sale.  I know b/c I just ordered some

[haugenna]

GrainFed,

I feel for ya.  It's not my dad but my grandpa.  She is so concerned with his health she has one foot in the grave and he seems great to me.  He is 80 mind you.  She will yell at him to do something and he just sits there like he is deaf and then looks at me and winks.  Quite comical actually.  You get him near a casino and that cane goes airborne.

There are a lot of things in life that we cherish and those priorities change as we grow older.  Hold no grudges against your father and look for other avenues for you and him to spend quality time together over the next year and perhaps he will come around for the following season.  Get to know her a little more as well.  It will be extremely difficult for your dad to be caught in the middle of his son and wife.    

[GrainfedMuley]

Thanx guys...ALL good advice. This has turned oput to be quite the theropy session. You have made me stop and think about other things between us as well. Haugenna, I realize that I don't want my Dad to be stuck in the middle between me and her. BUT!  Blood is ALWAYS thicker than water. I was raised that that unless a family member has done something very bad...Family ALWAYS comes first! Through thick or thin....When I was a kid we would bass fish alot. I am wondering if she would even let him go fishing? Regardless...I have been through alot of adversity in my life and I will stand tough and still go chase bambi. I have to keep my streak going. Going for 6 in a row. My Dad will know where I am and when I will be there. Hopefully he will call me before the season starts. I do know that if I push the issue with her it will get worse. Keep the good advise coming. Thanx