Bow hunting gone bad... Funny

[markmc]

My wife passed this on to me... Quite humerous!!!  and hits way to close to home.  Dear lord, please don't let this be my son.



For All You Young Bow Hunters: Life As A Child



Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little *censored* compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.



That got boring, so being the 10-year-old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking  strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn't any fire danger. I'll put it this way-a set of post hole diggers and a 3 ft. hole and you had yourself a well.



One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner....let's face it, to a 10-year-old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).



At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...1 pound Pyrodex and 16 oz. ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker, you know?



You know what? Screw that. I'm going back in the house for the other can.
Yes, I got a second can of Pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'. I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck...OH CRAP he just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back toward my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of Pyrodex and into the can.



When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just the reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE. There was a big sweet gum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was. That son-of-a-bitch got up and ran off.



So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes, with my Thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. *censored* IT CEASE FIRE!!!!!



His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 200 ft over our backyard . There is a Honda 185 three wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.



I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know-I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either...not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so Dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so Dad can kill him again. Thanks Mom.



One thing is for sure...I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and Dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business. Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. And I still have some sort of  bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating. Or both. I guess what I am trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good discipline and will
teach them skills they can use later on in life.    Author Unknown

[seansfire]

Now that is some funny stuff right there. I am still drying my eyes!!!!

[STIKNSTRINGBOW]

Pretty funny, but as a real life survivor of just such an incident....Pyrodex (or other powder) wont concuss (explode) unless it is contained somehow. A pile will just "flash burn" really hot.

I didn't have eyebrows until high school !

[blacktail luv]

that is a great story.  Reminds me of one of my bright ideas when I was in high school.  Did anyone else, and there friends go through the bomb building stage.  well I think i was actually in 8th grade when it all got started.  I decided to take an aspirin bottle and fill it with pyrodex, as well as throw a little shot from the 12 guage and the powder from the shell as well for good measure.  How to get it lit I though, well I will make a fuse and poke a hole in the lid, good idea right?  No.  I had no idea how to make a fuse so i rolled up a piece of paper, filled it with powder and took it outside and placed on a large moss covered rock in the back yard.  If i light the fuse i should have time to run before it goes off...right, wrong.  I placed the bomb on the rock and prepared for the big moment.  I got dads lighter got it flaming and touched it to the "fuse".  I think I had time to turn around and maybe take a half step before BOOOM.  Oh $#!^, by back, the bird shot inside was a BAD idea.  I looked like I had a case of chicken pocks on my back for a week.  Ears ringing i ran in the house, holly cow that was loud.  Moments later the phone rings, hello.  It was my mother who was working about a half mile away, inside a building.  "what was that, did you hear that loud bang"  yep I heard it not sure what it was though.

[alecvg]

Oh my goodness, that was hilarious!  ROFLMAO

[tazz]

that is some funny stuff there thank you for sharing that joke

[Hunterman]

Damn,,,Now I have to clean the coffee out of my lap top..That was funny

Hunterman(Tony)

[1bowhunter1]

That is the funniest Damn thing!!  Wish I was young AGAIN!!  Its hell to get old.....all the cool stuff us "Hunters" Did....maybe thats it?

[mtndew]

Funny, funny stuff! Reminds me of me and a buddy at 8 years old with 5 gallons of gas.....Oh never mind!

[agchawk]

Oh great!!! I just bought new bows for my two younger sons for Christmas!!!!!!!!

[oneezreiter]

Good story.  I remember those types of ideas sounding good when I was young.

[robescc]

I laught so hard I was crying.  That was totaly me.  My grandfather owned a very large farm in stanwood and he had a 1000 gallon gas tank.  It had a lock on it but it was never locked. I would fill a mason jar with gas and shoot at it with flaming arrows.  I almost set the hay field on fire one time 
That was enough for me.  He never did find out

[robb92]

One of the best reads in a while!!!!!!