How to buy a gun without getting killed by the wife

[Rob]

Pat McManus described it best-I have taken is sage advice and made it my own.

Adding guns to the collection is well honed art.  Us seasoned married folk have mastered this.  I will take a moment to pass on my wisdom to the newly wed gentlemen out there. 

 The key is to reach the critical 4 gun threshold.  Now before you just go out and buy 4 guns, consider the art form needed to be successful in this endeavor.

The first gun is pretty easy to get.  Most wives can understand that boys need their toys and are supportive of such an endeavor.  Start with something like a 243 win.  Good solid deer rifle.  It is also critical at this phase that you get a SAFE.  Some people think these are devices that are meant to protect your firearms.  While they do allow for this, the real purpose of a safe is to store firearms out of view.  More on this later.

Wait a few months and then move on to the second gun. You will be met with some resistance.  The best way is to appeal to reason and say, you need a deer rifle, and a shotgun for bird hunting, or if you are not a birder, trap at the range with buddies (Tip:  you can tell her that the trap range is an opportunity to networking with other guys and that it could lead to better jobs down the road- It’s like golfing for the outdoorsman). 

Third gun can be tougher.  “Why do you need three guns!” is what you are often met with.  I like to recommend going with the cheap ammo route.  “Honey, if I buy this cute little inexpensive little 22 rifle, I can buy really cheap ammo.  Much cheaper than the 243!  Heck, after just 3 days at the range I can have saved enough in ammo costs to more than pay for the rifle!”

Fourth gun is the critical one.  You must overcome this hurdle.   Use any thing you can to get over this hump.  I like to go with the Elk hunting route.  So you have a plinker, a shotgun and a 243.  But when you elk hunt, you get all this FREE meat!  Heck, it’s like getting a cow for FREE!  A 243 is not NEARLY enough gun to use for Elk.  You really need a 300 WM.  There is one on Seattle guns for just 300 dollars!  It’s a steal (Notice how that also appealed to her need to shop and get good deals??  Brilliant if I do say so myself.)  Another tactic is to leverage a buddy whose wife your wife cannot stand.  Work some competition into it.  Well Joe’s wife let HIM get an Elk Rifle! Do avoid whining in this scenario, it does not help your case.

Now that you have 4 guns you are pretty much set to grow to 15 or so without consequence.  Here is how it works. 

Psychologically keeping track of individual guns up to 3 is pretty easy.  But once you go past three, the guns cease to be individuals, but instead become a collective known by the wife as “those guns”.  There are variations on this terminology as well, please note that some wives are also known to refer to them as “those damn guns”.  Additional variations also exist with other adjectives being tossed in to replace “damn”, but you get the point, and after all, this is a family site.

To make this work however, you must have a safe to keep them “safe” from prying eyes (that is the origin of the word actually).  This prevents ASC (accidental spousal counting) from occurring.

Now, you are pretty much free to slowly increase the count at will.  I would advise keeping the increase down to a slow rate (perhaps 1-4 per year to start with).   

Once the safe is full, you need to move on to our undergraduate firearm collection course.  This will explain the art of adding multiple safes as well as options for handgun collection and primitive weaponry.

Graduate studies are highly confidential and not open to discussion in a forum such as this.

[Heredoggydoggy]

A friend says getting a new gun is easy.  Just say;  "I'm going to the range, sweetheart!".  Take 2 guns, and bring back 3.  They never look to see how many you took when you left. 

[Caseyd]

Not married but Ive pulled the "what new gun, I showed you this one months ago" 

[carpsniperg2]

Buy her one to! Or something she wants.

[PlateauNDN]

Buy her one to! Or something she wants.

   I don't have a problem with the wife when it comes to firearms.  The other day I was gathering price quotes for a new .308 and I was picking something up off the floor when one of the quotes fell out of the shirt pocket and landed right at her feet.   

Her words right away was, "what the hell is that!"  I told her it was a price quote for a new rifle I was looking at and I picked it up and showed her.  She said, "oh, well you better hurry up because we need a new one it's almost fall time!"

I love her so much!

[wadu1]

Buy a gun safe.  They reproduce over due time.

I've heard of that ....

Heck mine reproduced so fast; I have six standing gard on the outside. I'm trying to talk her into another safe; so far no luck she keeps saying sell-sell you can't shoot them all.
 

[saylean]

Do it and say tough if she dont like it...

probably why I aint married....

[Bean Counter]

Great thread, guys.

I've taken both a value ("look at what a deal this gun is selling for!") approach as well as a utilitarian approach ("I don't have anything this gun can do"). What I'm in awe of are you guys who start with that .243.... then add the .300 win mag... then find a way to justify a 7mm... then onto .45-70, etc...

[BULLBLASTER]

Convince her that you need it for protection... you only get introuble if you tell gher protection from pissed off wives.
Im not married. But my gf lives with me and we don't care what the other buys as long as the bills are paid and savings is added to each month.

[rasbo]

do like me, buy yourself a 44 on her birthday, while she is with you.This is a very smart tactic though it may seem not.#1 there will be witnesses there,just in case some bodily harm might be received.#2 if after you get all the paper work done, and you go outside and she is still with you,this is a great sign to a long lasting relationship...Side note..Not wise to show her how to use the gun or purchase ammo until after the 15 day cooling period.

[addicted]

I once talked my wife into purchacing a gun while drugged up from getting her wisdom teeth pulled. I'm I proud of that, no. But it was a sweet deal 

[Biggerhammer]

I once talked my wife into purchacing a gun while drugged up from getting her wisdom teeth pulled. I'm I proud of that, no. But it was a sweet deal 

Pure genius!!!! 

[RustneckNW]

I spent many years working at a music store, and we had some good lines to help guys with this exact issue except with a guitar or amp... Guitar players and gun owners are amazingly similar creatures in respect to G.A.S. (Gear Acquisition Syndrome).
My favorites:
1) "When she asks you how many more you need, always respond 'Just one more, Dear'. No matter how many One More's there are." (this one really works! Try it!)
2) "Remember, it's always easier to ask for forgiveness than for permission."
3) For the most extreme cases: "Take your balls out of your wife's purse and buy the damn thing already!"

[calawahsteelie]

I once talked my wife into purchacing a gun while drugged up from getting her wisdom teeth pulled. I'm I proud of that, no. But it was a sweet deal 

Pure genius.   

[Armadillo]

the women buy their purses and shoes, nails, hair ect...the man can have another gun,,,nuff said