I think I can write the first part of this script:
[Me] "Look, this is the last time I'm gonna tell you. See my main beam, left side? No? That't right, because it is stuck in your hind end. See the ears behind me? No? Because she likes real deer, not pretenders like you. Now go play with your boy buddies, and spend the winter dreaming of being a real buck like me."
Not quite Clint Eastwood, but something like that.