Not my story, found it on Elk tips, I like it
Subject: Elk rasslin tips 101
First off many of ya are aware I recently had a goround with a critter that
resulted in my endin up in a hospital.
Now for those of ya who Darren notified of my accident I want to say thanks for your prayers, Those what don't know what happened well I shot me a 1200+ pound elk bout a week ago, 25 yards thought it was a double lung hit but snow was commin down pretty good an as later discovered the arrow actually went right between the lungs clipped the heart an exited just ahead of the right shoulder. It took me an my partner about an hour to locate the critter piled up in the bottom of a narrow ravine, I gave David my bow while I went to pose for a picture with the critter, well that big ol'fella wasn't much into havin his picture took cause when I was bout 5 feet from him he come up off the ground an started arguin with me bout it, I tried to get him to look towards the camera by grabbin his antlers an twistin his head around a lil but he didn't care for that either an forced me to kick his front leg an wrestle him back down to the ground, now this has always worked with cow critters so I didn't see a problem, we was discussin the picture takin idea when my partner gets a lil over excited an whacks the elk with MY bow not once but several times (that indian just ain't never learned ya can usually talk anyone into posin for a picture long as ya don't whack em with a bow) Well the elk critter got mad over bein whacked an decided to hook me a couple times with his antler whilst pretty much layin atop me, this forced me to have to remind him of the age old adage "Never take an antler to a gun fight" o.k maybe ya white folks ain't never heard that one but its very popular amongst us indians. I yelled at David to stop whackin the elk (and subquently me) with my favorite bow an get clear, at the same time I reached around mysellf an got my .357 mag outa the holster aimed it as well as I could towards the critters head (try aimin a gun behind your back sometime while layin on that arm its great fun) fired 4 or 5 shots, well the elk died pretty fast with most of his head shot off, but one of the bullets richocheted an hit me in the pevis bounced round to my hip an somehow ended up in my butt (least thats the excuse the doctors gave me for them puttin 15 stiches there) well after tryin to talk the elk into posin for the picture I was pretty tired an decided it was a good time to take a nap, I had the strangest dream of an indian draggin me behind a horse over every rock an tree he could find while I was nappin I know it was a horse couse even on his worse day Dave ain't never farted as bad as no horse.
The doctors decided they wanted some pictures of me (I don't understand why seein the elk wasn't in none of the pictures they took) so they flew me around Oregon lookin for a camera to take pictures with (I coulda told em there was a Wal-mart just down the road if they woulda just asked) I did notice somethin suspicouse in one of the pictures of my head thoough, when the doctor turned the picture backwards I coulda sworn them wierd marks on my head were the letters PSE now this is a very intriuging clue seein as how my bow has them same letters on it, I will discuss this with David when I'm feelin a lil better.
All said an done I got a busted wrist from shootin from a bad angle a few cracked ribs several bite marks 6 or 7 antler holes 1 bullet hole the holes account for a grand total of 147 stitches an a major headache, my bow got 2 busted cables a cam was lost an the cams axle mount is all busted up, my favorite .357 just needs cleanin, my elk got mostly ate by critters but David did recover alot of the meat an my antlers I do need some tips though bout how to best glue the antklers back together one of the bullets blew off a whole branch an Dave busted off many of the tines while field testin my bow for durability now ya taxidermist types would know if super glue will work for puttin em back together again.
I'm doin alright (got me a bunch of pain pills) I blew the quitin smokin after I got here since I strongly believe the critter just didn't want to pose in a picture with a non smoker, this has brought me to another thought I think I'v figured out where it is them elk are when we can't see em......they is hiding havin them a ciggarett I'm sure of it so folks instead of the usual deer style blind set ya up a ciggarett stand an they'll come runnin I betcha. For those who actually read this whole thing I will now reward ya with some prime elk wrestlin tips:
1. Elk are not impressed with how much martial arts training ya'v had so save your breath.
2. Do not kick an elk in the nose this will anger him.
3. Do not attempt to throw the elk prior to tying, the antlers hurt when they land on ya.
4. Do not let a life long recurve hunter use your compound they may become dissorientated and confused by the two extra bow strings an revert to cave man tactics of beating the elk with your bow as opposed to shooting it.
5. Elks cheat! They are not above biteing.
6. Carry more than one gun (2 ankle holsters, 2 hip guns and 2 shoulder rigs should be sufficient if ya don't mind feeing under armed) Use Magsafe ammo it won't richochet like hollow points will if they hit an antler.
7. This is very important, never never shoot yourself in the butt! .
If the above fails a nap is good.
