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For multi purpose, you cant beat a 12gauge. Lots of grouse dropped by 12's. Good home defense. If I had to buy my first shotgun, it would be a 12. Then later get something smaller to specialize with...grouse, rabbit....etc....Who told you a 9mm is too small to defend the home with? 9mm has killed more than just about any other pistol round over the years...nothing wrong with it...
I'll second Bobcat's exact words. Good advice.For ammo, you don't need a lot of BOOM. You'll have good luck with 2 3/4", 3 to 3 1/4 dram, 1 oz., 6 shot loads. I'll assume your concern for beating them up is due to close range shots on the ground or in trees?? If that's the case, then aim just above the head, once you know how your new gun patterns and depending on your choke. If you're flushing them up, then you can't hand pick the range you'll shoot anyway. You need a good all-purpose scatter gun. The 12 will allow you to expand into more hunting opps than the 20.Congrats and good luck!
.For ammo, you don't need a lot of BOOM. You'll have good luck with 2 3/4", 3 to 3 1/4 dram, 1 oz., 6 shot loads.
You can shoot a 20 gauge load out of a 12 gauge.